Prepare the onions: Peel the onions and slice them into 1cm thick rounds. Gently separate the rings, discarding the tiny inner rings (they tend to burn). You want rings that are roughly the same size for even cooking. Place the rings in a bowl of ice water and leave them to soak for 15 minutes. This step makes them slightly sweeter and removes some of the sharp, raw bite.

Make the dry mix: In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the plain flour, cornflour, baking powder, salt, smoked paprika, and cayenne. The cornflour is my secret weapon for extra crispness; it creates a more delicate, lacy texture than flour alone.

Create the batter: Make a well in the centre of the dry ingredients. Pour in the cold non-alcoholic malt drink. Whisk gently from the centre outward until a thick, smooth paste forms. The aroma here is incredible — malty, slightly sweet, and deeply savoury. Now, pour in the chilled soda and whisk again. The batter should be the consistency of single cream. It will be thin, but don't panic. Sensory cue: The batter should coat the back of a spoon and leave a clear trail when you run your finger through it. If it feels too thick, add a splash more soda.

Heat the oil: Pour the oil into a large, deep frying pan or heavy-bottomed pot. You need at least 5cm of oil. Heat it to 180°C (350°F). If you don't have a thermometer, drop a tiny bit of batter into the oil. If it sizzles immediately and rises to the surface, you're ready. Sensory cue: The oil should shimmer on the surface but not smoke. A gentle, steady bubble is the sound of success.

Dredge the rings: Pat the soaked onion rings completely dry with a clean tea towel. Any water on the rings will cause the batter to slide off. Toss a few rings at a time in the extra flour (the dusting flour). Shake off the excess. This flour layer gives the batter something to cling to, preventing that dreaded separation in the fryer.

Batter and fry: Dip a floured ring into the batter, letting the excess drip off for a second. Carefully lower it into the hot oil. Fry in small batches — no more than 4 or 5 rings at a time. Sensory cue: Listen for a vigorous sizzle as the ring hits the oil. The batter will immediately puff and bubble. Fry for 2–3 minutes on each side, until the underside is a deep golden brown and the top is turning opaque. Use a slotted spoon to flip them once.

Drain and season: Lift the rings out of the oil with a slotted spoon and place them on a wire rack set over a baking tray. Do not use paper towels — the steam will make the bottom soggy. While they are still hot, sprinkle them with a little more flaky sea salt. Sensory cue: They should make a hollow, crisp sound when tapped against the rack. Repeat with the remaining rings, letting the oil come back up to temperature between batches.